"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation.

The old has passed away; behold the new has come."

2 Corinthians 5:17

 

Not only do I love butterflies, but I am always reminded of this verse whenever I see one. What better picture of being made into a new creation than the butterfly. We all know that a butterfly starts out their life as a caterpillar. They spend their time munching on leaves and slowly creeping along the branches until it's time for them to make their chrysalis. Then what happens is truly amazing. After some time in the chrysalis they emerge as a new creation. They don't even look the same. They have beautiful wings and can fly from flower to flower. The old has passed away and the new has come.  As I think about this amazing reality, I can't help but feel more like the caterpillar from the movie

 'A Bug's Life'.

 

He was made new in the sense that he got his wings, but he couldn't fly and he still looked the same.

I know that I am a new creation in Christ. I know that He has done a mighty work in me. I am not the same as I once was. But I'm still not able to fly. I am so weighed down by this heavy darkness. It is a darkness that will not lift. I know the only answer is Christ. The creator and sustainer of all things.  I must fight to live what I believe. How can I fight when I don't even have the energy to live?

There are many mornings that come too soon and I wish I could just stay in bed. I just want to sleep. But God has given me five little blessings who need me, and so I get up to face another day. I have to live small. I mean, living from one literal moment to the next. First I have to change a diaper. Then I have my coffee and English muffin. And so on. If I look at the day as a whole, I'm overwhelmed and ready to shut down. My children help me to laugh. They too live in the moment. Everything is exciting and new...even if we just did it yesterday. The playground never seems to get old. They laugh and squeal as I push them on the swings. Every time!

One thing I do neglect is reading God's word regularly. That's like having a broken leg, but refusing the cast. I need God's word. I need it to help me stand. I need it to help me walk. I need it to help me live. 

Nature has so many examples of life. Like flowers, we all must grow where we are planted. There are flowers that grow in gardens and everyone can see and appreciate their beauty. There are flowers that are used for important purposes. Weddings, funerals, decorations, and many other things. Their are flowers that grow out in fields and in places where no one can see their beauty. God has given us all a purpose for life. We are to glorify Him and exalt Christ. We are to do this in our everyday life. Even if it seems pointless and mundane, God is watching. He is appreciating the beauty of a life lived for an audience of One. Flowers don't stop being flowers just because no one can see them and appreciate their beauty. They continue to grow and be beautiful right where they are.

 

It's easy for me to right these words and see these examples. It's not easy for me to live them. I know that life is a battle, mostly in our own minds. I am my own worst enemy. So I will take today and live where I am planted. I will watch and learn from my children. I will find the excitement in the mundane.

 

 

Fall

The Adirondack Mountains is the best place to live in the fall! Each season has it's perks here in the North country, but fall is by far, my favorite! The bugs are finally gone, the air is much cooler, and the leaves on the trees are breathtaking! I get so excited when September comes and the maple trees start turning red. All along the lakes and creeks are a beautiful patchwork of orange and yellow.
     Going for walks is a favorite family activity. We like to collect pretty leaves to wax and use as decoration. I get inspired to bake and make soup and goulash. I love the smell of the kids when they come in from playing outside. Most of all, I love stepping on dried up leaves and hearing them crunch under my foot.
      If you think about it, fall actually represents death. The leaves are changing color because they are dying. They fall from the trees because they are dead. I can't go through fall without thinking about death. To be a humble servant of Christ requires a dying to self that is as beautiful as the autumn leaves. There are a million times a day that I have to choose to either live for myself or die to myself for the sake of others.
     When I wake up in the morning, I don't like talking. I have five children who want to be fed and held, and need to be changed. I can either grumble and care for them with a 'poor me' attitude, or I can die to myself and love them through the power of Jesus Christ. I fail at this a lot of mornings. Sunday mornings are the hardest! No matter how much I prepare the night before, there is still craziness as we get ready for church. I have been so convicted many mornings as I'm barking orders and herding everyone out the door so we can go worship the Lord. How can I worship when I was just yelling at my kids and short with my husband. When I choose to give into my frustrations and take it out on those around me, I am living for myself.
    It is so easy for me to write this, but to live it is much harder. I am a selfish person. Full of pride and just plain lazy! I believe that through prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit, I can live a life of humility and others oriented. I have to see that every time I choose to put someone else's needs first, I am changing colors like the leaves on the maple tree. I piece of my selfish pride is dying when I choose others. Only God can make death beautiful...in nature and in His people!  Some of the most beautiful people I know are not in Hollywood or fashion magazines...they are people who faithfully and quietly live their lives for the Lord and for others. They are the people who make dinners for others, who clean the church, who raise their children and serve their family. Some of the most beautiful people I know are those who love the Lord and live their lives in service and devotion to Him!
  I pray that the Lord would help me remember that it's not about me. It's about Him. It's about His people. It's about His work. I am just a leaf...

...These are who I am called to serve! This is my life...to love and serve my children and my husband. I am blessed to live a quiet life of cooking, cleaning, playing, teaching and loving. The world (and the devil's lies) would tell me that there has to be more. That I have to live for me and make something of myself. If all I ever do in this life is love my husband and raise my children to know and love Christ, than that is a life that is pleasing to God. That is a life that will look like a golden tree among all the pines!

Best Pumpkin Cookie recipe!

Something about fall makes me feel warm and fuzzy...and I just want to bake! As soon as the air gets that cool crispiness to it, and the leaves start to change and fall...I have an urge to bake all things pumpkin! Pumpkin bread, soup, muffins, and of course...cookies! I have a recipe that I have been using for the past couple years. I've tried several other recipes, but I always come back to this one. The cookies are just so fluffy and tasty. They also make the house smell fantastic while they're baking! (I'm a smell person...nostalgia) My children love eating them right out of the oven when they're still warm and the chocolate chips (you have to add chocolate) are gooey. There's nothing like wearing a hoodie to play outside in the leaves and then coming back into the warm spice smelling house to have a pumpkin cookie. It makes you feel like you're in a Hallmark movie!

If you have allergies, like my Teeny, you can substitute the ingredients. I have used unsweetened applesauce in place of the eggs and butter. You can also use whole wheat flour (or any other flour). I like to add mini chocolate chips, but you can add oatmeal, almonds, walnuts, raisons, or whatever your little heart desires!

Ingredients:

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour                                1 1/2 cups white sugar
1 teaspoon baking powder                                  1 cup canned pumpkin puree
1 teaspoon baking soda                                       1 teaspoon vanilla extract
2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1/2 teaspoon ground cloves
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 cup butter, softened

Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Combine all dry ingredients and set aside. (I like to whisk them together with a little hand whisk)

Cream together the butter and sugar. Add the pumpkin, vanilla and egg. Beat until creamy. Mix in dry ingredients. (This is where you can add chocolate chips or whatever else you want to add)
Drop by spoonfuls onto cookie sheet. Bake 15 minutes.

you can also make a glaze that tastes really good. 
Combine 2 cups of confectioners' sugar, 3 Tablespoons of milk, 1 Tablespoon of melted butter and 1 teaspoon of vanilla extract. Add milk as needed to achieve drizzling consistency.

These cookies are so good on their own that I don't ever make the glaze, but knock yourself out!

That's all there is to it! Fall is only a few weeks long, so it must be enjoyed to the fullest! Have some apple cider with your pumpkin cookies to get that real fall feeling! Enjoy!!! and Happy Fall!

Unique Beauty

I have learned so much from my eccentric, almost 3 year old daughter! Leah Joy continues to be a very strong personality with definite opinions and firm likes and dislikes. I have given up the need to have her clothes folded and sorted nicely in her dresser, because her favorite thing to do is carry ALL (or as many as she can hold) her clothes around. She also has this thing for hiding random objects under her pillow. I have put her to bed many a time and found not only clothes under her pillow, but many other items (the remote, my phone, Bella's kindle, q-tips, pens, toys...you name it!).  Along with carry her clothes around, she also likes to change her outfit several times a day. I used to be very particular about my children's outfits. They had to match and look just so. Leah has helped me let go of that for sure! I have taken her to the playground in plaid pajama pants with a star covered dress and a striped shirt over that....with a backpack full of dora and princess underpants!

 

Today was our town-wide yard sale. Ben and the three older kids went up to camp, in Schroon lake, to do some work and fishing. So I took Leah and teeny for a walk to check out some of the sales. We came across a lady with fresh produce and a lot of beautiful pumpkins for really cheap. I told Leah she could pick out a pumpkin, any one she wanted. I tried to help her by saying "look at this one, it's perfectly round!" she shook her head. "Look at this one, it's really big!" she shook her head. "How about this one, it's a nice pumpkin!" still nothing. Then she started hopping up and down and clapping, "this one! I want this one!" I looked at the lady and she laughed and said "you have a very unique child there!" I sure do. I couldn't persuade her to get a different pumpkin. We ended up buying the toad of all pumpkins...and Leah loves it!

 

 As we were walking back home, I started thinking about this eyesore of a pumpkin. It really is unique, and my daughter found it beautiful! God looks at His children in very much the same way! He does not look on the outward appearance. He looks at the heart. God sees weakness as strength, because it is when we are weak that we depend on Him alone. There is beauty in uniqueness and I praise God that my little girl finds joy and beauty in the strangest places. Even in my everyday life of housework and children, there is beauty! Selfless living brings beauty! And in a world and generation of self...humility is a unique beauty!

I always have big ideas, but never know where to begin! Even when it comes to writing a blog I can't seem to decide how to start. There are so many thoughts in my head lately, that I lay awake at night trying to sort them all out. Needless to say, when the alarm goes off in the morning I'm tired and resentful that it's another day. I have a love/hate relationship with nighttime. I love it, because I can put the kids to bed and I'm free to do whatever. (eat popcorn, read a book, talk to my hubby, sit on the couch, soak my feet, waste time on pinterest, stalk people on facebook, breathe!) I hate it, because it means tomorrow is coming and I have to do the same things all over again. (dishes, laundry, diapers, tantrums, exercise, homework, dinner, get dressed, live!)
I recently went through a dark time. I allowed the everyday challenges to overwhelm me and I took my eyes off what mattered most. I became resentful and hopeless. Anger was my constant companion. I had five little people depending on me, looking to me for love and guidance. I had nothing to give. All I wanted was my bed. Nobody likes to talk about depression. Especially not in the Christian community. It is sin to be depressed. It is a focus on self to have no desire to live. Pray harder, read your bible more, serve others. These are all truths and a part of the Christ-like living...but what do we do with people who are suffering from depression? It is a paralyzing sadness. Getting out of bed and getting dressed is a task in itself. Trying to be around other people, forget it! The feeling that I am the mother of five children and I am supposed to be happy and loving life and churning my own butter was smothering. I think at the root of depression is fear. (and chemical imbalances!) My fear was of being a mom! A little late to have second thoughts when you have five children! I realized that I didn't know what it meant to be a mom. When their babies it's easy (in a sense). A baby needs to be fed, changed, held, taught to sleep and played with. They are so cute and everything they do is new and adorable. But they become people! We call it the terrible two's, but really it should be called the 'scaryturningintoapersonwithmyownthoughtsandpersonalityoutofcontrolsinnature two's'! I guess that's kind of long, so 'terrible two's' sums it up! I am realizing as my children get older (Nate is 9, Bella 8, Levi 4 and Leah is almost 3...Daltyn is still a cute little baby!) they need constant teaching, instructing, explaining, training, discipline, example, encouragement, help, space, and an accepting of who they are. When there are so many of them it's overwhelming! At the end of the day I look back on all the ways I completely failed and fear that they will be ruined because of me! I was told once that I need to think about the future when raising my children. That every situation is an opportunity to teach them because someday they are going to be employees, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, friends, and members of society! That is a big responsibility! It's so easy to let the business of running a home get in the way of training my children. My daughter is old enough to be in the kitchen with me learning how to make dinner, or bake cookies, but it's just easier and faster if I can do it myself. I'll show her some other time. But life is short. Before I know it she will be grown and I will be left with regret. I almost gave into this fear of motherhood. I woke up on life support four months ago. I thought they would be better off without me. That if I was gone, I wouldn't mess them up or make them like me, with my quick temper, sharp words and laziness of life. But God had other plans. (He always does, doesn't He?) He is so patient with us. I realized that even though I never had an example of a parent...He was the ultimate example. His selfless love for His children, His grace, compassion and discipline are always for our good. He is never angry or disgusted with us. He is always waiting to forgive us and restore us. He wants what's best for us, even if it means pain or disappointment for a time. These are all truths that I forget when depression has it's claws in my brain. So I am looking to Jesus for life. He has a plan. I need to stick to the plan! Even when that plan is get up, get dressed, feed children, dress children, play, clean, walk, and do it all again tomorrow. There is joy in the mundane when Christ is in the mundane. There is life in every day when Christ is in that day! So today, I am going to play dominoes, be silly, and be mom!

Blogging

I've always loved to journal the old fashion way. I have many a journal full of thoughts, events, prayers, drawings and many other musings. I hesitate to start a blog. my life is not that interesting. I don't have any special talents. I'm just a wife and mother living each day as best I can. I do have struggles and challenges that people may be able to relate to. Right now I am enjoying the quiet of naptime and rejoicing in the fact that not only did I go for a walk today, but I ate a salad for lunch. Small victories, I know, but for me, it's big!
So, this is my blog.